Archive for April, 2006
The child who caused me to grow
is 4 today. This morning when I woke up, I called him into my room and just spent time praying for him and snuggling with him. I ADORE him.
But it didn't start out that way.
Let me start at the beginning.
When L (#3) was about 6 months old, I remember praying about our family size. I don't think I was stressed out or anything like that, but I felt like our family was complete. I had 2 boys and a girl, and I just felt DONE. No particular reason...I just knew that the Lord wasn't going to send us any more children, since we were done. Plain and simple.
I also knew that since our family was complete, and since the Lord is in control, we wouldn't need to do anything to "make sure" we didn't have any more children. I knew that I simply wouldn't get pregnant again. No biggie.
But just in case, I prayed that the Lord would give me a bigger space between kids next time. The space between #1 and #2 is almost 17 months, and the space between #2 and #3 is 22.5 months.
God has a sense of humor.
I have an online friend, and pretty much every time she gets pregnant, it turns out that I get pregnant shortly thereafter. (Until recently - she just had another baby, and I'm still not pregnant LOL!) Well, she IMed me and told me she was pregnant, and I laughed at her. I had started spotting that day, so I knew that I wasn't expecting. Well, the laugh was on me because about a day after my spotting started, it stopped. I'd had that happen before...when I was pregnant with C (#2).
Uh oh.....
Yup, baby #4 was on the way. And remember my prayer about the spacing? He was due when #3 was 21.5 months old.
At the time, dh was training for his new job and home only on weekends. (It did make determining the due date to be VERY easy LOL!!!) He was gone for 12 weeks, then he proceeded to spend the next 2 years away more than he was home. I was in a new town and knew NO ONE except my in-laws, and they didn't know I was pregnant. All in all it was a pretty bad situation.
Suffice it to say...I was NOT thrilled to find out I was expecting a baby. When I told dh, he cried. I did too, but he cried because he was so happy. I was not. When I heard the heartbeat for the first time, I didn't feel joy. I felt dread.
My hormones went nutso. That, combined with my life circumstances, introduced me to the world of severe depression. I spent the next few months visiting a Christian counselor. She honestly wasn't much help. Her solutions to my depression were to stop having kids (since, doncha know, they cause all problems) and to stop homeschooling. *sigh*I knew my new baby was a girl because my pregnancy was EXACTLY like my one with my girl. I was very nauseous, gained weight the same, etc. God surprised me again because when I went for my ultrasound I saw that I had a VERY PROUD little boy in there. When the tech put the transducer on my belly, I said, "Is that what I think it is?" The tech said, "Yup, it's a boy!" After that, every time we looked at OTHER body parts - his head, heart, etc. - he showed us his little boy part. Other techs came in to look at things, and they took one look at the screen and could see it was a boy. I'm so glad I wanted to know, because I would have anyway!
And I am glad I found out, because I would have gone my entire pregnancy thinking I was having another girl. I would have been in for a HUGE shock!!!
At 26 weeks I started on Zoloft, which was a lifesaver for me. No longer was my 4yo finding me on the floor in the fetal position and asking me, "Why are you crying, Mommy?" Jesus became so real to me during that time. Unfortunately it just made me want to go home to Him all the more. Not a good thing when it comes to depression!
But once the meds kicked in, at least I wasn't wishing I were dead anymore.So.....the pregnancy progressed. I was huge and miserable. You know, the usual.
I had made an appointment for a developmental evaluation for C for 3 days before my due date. I always went overdue, so I knew I wouldn't have any problem keeping this appointment. That was a good thing because they were so full that they booked appointments 6 months away.Saturday, April 20th, rolled around. The day before my dh's birthday. 6 days BEFORE my due date. I woke up at 5 am to go to the bathroom, and I suspected that my water was leaking. I was having some contractions as well, but nothing major. So around 7 I told dh that he might be getting a birthday present. His eyes popped wide open. LOL!
Long story short...yes, it was labor. We drove the hour and 15 minutes to the hospital, and on the way dh said he was starting to get achey. By the time we saw the midwife for a check, ate lunch, then got to the hospital, he had a splitting headache and felt awful. He just sat in the recliner while I walked around the L&D department with each of my little ones. My mom and in-laws showed up, and we were all just hanging out.
The nurse came in at one point and said to dh, "You look worse every time I come in here." She took his temperature, and it was 102 something. Well. That put a crimp in our plans. The nurses didn't want him there because they didn't want to catch whatever he had. I didn't want him there because I didn't want the baby to catch whatever he had. I knew he would be absolutely NO help to me whatsoever. So my fil drove him home, my mil drove my van home with the kids, and my mom stayed with me.
My labor with J was totally different than my previous 3. It actually progressed without a problem. My water broke on its own. It was actually pretty easy. My water broke at 5 pm, things kicked into high gear, and at about 6 I called dh and told him that the baby was going to be there before his birthday...sorry!
Meanwhile, all I could think was, This is NOT what I was wanting to be doing today! I still was not ready for another baby. Sure our stuff at home was ready (sort of...nowadays we don't get stuff set up till the baby comes home LOL!), but my heart was not ready for another baby.
J was born at 6:40 pm. He was my smallest baby at 7 lbs. 14 oz. His head circumference was 14.5", but my midwife was SOOOOOOOOO awesome, and I didn't end up needing any stitches. (My mom became a believer in midwives that day.
)I remember being SO TIRED after he was born, and I just wasn't in the mood to deal with a new baby I didn't want, especially with my dh sick at home. J didn't read the book that tells about babies not being hungry till they're about 2-3 days old, which corresponds with when mom's milk comes in, and he screamed in hunger from the get go. I was not amused.
But then.
God. Stepped. In.
With my other kids, I never had that "fall in love" moment. I just loved them but never had that "WOW" moment where I fell head over heels with them. When J was 2 days old, I experienced it with him. I can't explain it, but in an instant I went from not wanting another baby to ADORING this little guy with the funky swirl in his hairline over his forehead.
And people say that God isn't real. HA.
J is somewhat rotten, probably because I did spoil him a bit. I think I went a bit overboard with him.
He is lively and STRONG-WILLED and so affectionate. My other kids love physical touch, but they are usually wanting to receive affection. He wants to GIVE it.He is so moody and would argue with a wall, but he loves to sing songs in church. He loves to sing, period - he literally has been singing since before he could talk.
He has caused me to rethink lots of my theories on parenting, and I've had to really question whether I was parenting Biblically or whether I was parenting according to some "method" that called itself a Biblical parenting method. I had to realize that some thing simpy work for some kids and not for others. He keeps me on my knees, that is for sure!!!
I still don't know quite how to handle some of his "issues," and there are times when I'm flat-out scared about some things. But I know Who does know how to handle them, and I know that He loves this little boy wayyyyyyyy more than even I do. And I am SO THANKFUL that God did not give me what I wanted and asked for. He gave me J, which is MORE than what I wanted and asked for.
Testing for Perri LOL
I'm testing the color. Ignore me.
I just have to say
Word Press totally ROCKS. There are soooooooo many more features over here than there were at blogspot. There are some things that are available that I don't even know what they do. LOL! And Andrea and Ron are THE BEST. I am SO GLAD I moved over to homeschooljournal.net!!!!!!!
This year’s garden
So far this year I have green peppers, tomatoes, 2 varieties of broccoli, 2 varieties of watermelon, and 2 varieties of cantaloupe planted. I got some little Jiffy discs that go in a tray with a clear lid. You water the discs, they expand, then you plant your seeds in the peat disc. They are SOOOOOOO awesome!!! My broccoli germinated in about 3 days, and about 10 days after I planted everything, the only things NOT germinated yet are my tomatoes. Here are some pictures from a couple days ago:
I still need to prepare my garden plot. It has been rainy anytime the weekend rolls around, so I haven't gotten to do very much on it. My soil from last year's rows looks SOOO good. I can tell where I had my lasagna garden materials, that's for sure! I need to get some more compost, soil, peat moss, etc. to make some new layers on more rows.
Some of the other things I'm planting this year are:
onions
leaf lettuce
2 varieties of sweet corn
popcorn
zucchini
pumpkinI think that's all...I may have forgotten something LOL.
NOW. The fun part is going to be keeping the deer out. We have several small herds of deer that hang out around our house. (Once we counted 18!!!) Apparently they jump our fence because last year one day I'd have a cantaloupe or tomato plant growing, and the next I wouldn't! I've been reading up on different tricks to keep them out, and I'll probably try them all LOL!!! Other critters are a concern as well, but I'm not sure what kind. Crows are a biggie as well.
I have strawberries planted in my front flower bed, and the deer get up in THERE to munch as well. I'm not kidding...7 feet from my front door!!! It'd be really cool if they weren't trying to eat my strawberry plants!!!
So far I'm going to try spreading hair around the garden, having my boys pee around the garden from time to time, and spreading Irish Spring soap around the fence. My mom suggested hanging some pans to blow in the wind to scare the crows. Any other suggestions? I tried moth balls last year to deter critters...that was a dismal failure!
I'm so excited about the stuff that is growing in my Jiffy trays! Our growing season here is pretty short. I plan to get stuff in the ground in about 3-4 weeks. Tonight and tomorrow night it's still supposed to be below freezing, so I'm glad I don't already have seeds planted!!!
Review: Lord, Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room
(This book was provided to me as a gift by Active Christian Media, for the purpose of reviewing.)For some reason, I was expecting Lord, Please Meet Me in the Laundry Room by Barbara Curtis to be a light, "fluffy" devotional book. I'm not sure why I thought that...perhaps it is the title, because my doctor saw me reading and assumed the same thing. But it's not. This book was full of insight and encouragement in areas in which I didn't even know I needed any.
I can tell that Barbara Curtis has "been there." It is difficult for me to read trite, cliche' advice from women who haven't really experienced hardships, doubts, or unusual circumstances. As a mother of twelve children, 4 of whom with Down Syndrome, she has most definitely BEEN THERE. And honestly I think she had been there even before she got to this point - her growing up years were full of turmoil and insecurity. Yet now, looking back, she can see God's hand throughout her entire life. She can see how God was preparing her to become a mother to her children and a wife to her husband.
The basis for the book (and therefore the title) is that we can pray and commune with God WHEREVER we are. A laundry room can be just as effective a "prayer closet" as a true prayer closet. As mothers, sometimes we don't HAVE a pretty, little 30-minute time slot to devote to our "quiet time." In Christendom today there is this myth floating around that you aren't close to God unless you have that quiet time everyday. Mrs. Curtis dispels that myth and expounds on what walking with God and communing with God can look like.
Her book was refreshing to me because she doesn't hide the yucky side of life. She is honest about her mistakes. She is REAL. Because of her realness, I can tell that her faith and love for the Lord are as well. They are not contrived and surface-only. She also doesn't ADD to the Word about what it's like to be a Christian wife and mother. Considering how most Christian mother and wife books tend to be, THAT was refreshing as well. So often they go beyond what the Word of God actually says, and it was so nice to read a book that didn't do that.
I feel like I know Barbara Curtis through this book, though she doesn't know me from Eve.
I loved getting glimpses into what her life was, and is, like. (And I love reading her blog, Mommy Life, to continue to read about what is going one with her!) She doesn't know me at all, but she has impacted my life in a profound way through this book. And I thank her for that.
On Pearls and Perfectionism
Ann at Choosing Home sums up my thoughts EXACTLY. Especially this:
Each reader brings his/her own history to the page, which causes each to read the words very differently. Which means a writer, one who sets themselves in the position of a teacher, such as the Pearls, must write with great care:
“Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” James 3:1
Thus, a writer must go to great measures to painstakingly and repeatedly clarify their teachings —for s/he knows not the history and glasses with which the reader may be reading the words…and how their words may be applied.And I offer that for a significant sector of readers the writings of Michael and Debi Pearl fail to clearly offer consistently helpful, Biblical, parenting direction.
As a Mama who read Pearl’s and attempted to implement their teachings, I suggest:
1. Their writings lack clarity.
2. Their writings create sufficient confusion to potentially lead well-meaning, loving parents into abusive discipline.
3. Their writings belittle those who do not subscribe to their paradigm which may cause a parent to doubt any of their own, personal misgivings with Pearl teaching…which is, again, potentially dangerous.I have found this to be true with anything I've ever read by the Pearls. The standard response seems to be, "Oh well what they MEANT was....." My response to that? Then they should have SAID WHAT THEY MEANT. Another common response is, "Well, you just need to use common sense." My response? What about the parents who either 1) lack common sense, 2) have been told that what the Pearls teach is the Biblical way and trumps "common sense," since after all, common sense is "worldly," or 3) both.
I have been approached to become an affiliate of The Old Schoolhouse magazine and have a banner on my site. I'm not advocating a boycott of them or homeschoolblogger, however, until TOS stops defending the Pearls and begins examining the concerns, I will NOT be affiliating myself with them. (I do think the call for a boycott is dumb, but I personally am not comfortable doing business with them in any way.)
I applaud Ann for speaking out, and I thank her for vocalizing my thoughts.
Tales from a reluctant co-sleeper
YAWN YAWN YAWN
S is 18 months old and does not require a lot of sleep. In fact, she doesn't even come close to "average" sleep needs. I'm finally accepting that and try to work with her on that when it comes to naps and stuff. But this co-sleeping stuff is killing me.
It started out as survival mode - it was just easier to bring her to bed when she woke at night and needed to nurse. I knew better - I had made the same mistake with J - but I guess I thought things would turn out differently this time???? I was sorely mistaken!!!
Now I'm somewhat stuck. The No-Cry Sleep Solution is a big joke. :-P I do NOT like co-sleeping (never have), but I'm not a cry-it-out fan either. We only have 3 bedrooms for 7 people also, so it's not like I have an extra room that I can put her in as we work on it. Whatever we do will have to be something QUIET since I can't have her disrupting the entire house.
I have to admit, it's sort of frustrating...co-sleeping is held up as this "be all end all" of wonderful mothering. That's all fine and good for those who actually enjoy it, but it sure is frustrating to have it be touted as the solution to sleepless nights. I run on perpetual exhaustion because I can't get a decent night's sleep because I co-sleep. I feel bad for the moms who feel guilty for NOT co-sleeping, 'cuz let's face it, bonding is "in," and there is this false notion being spread around that the only way you can truly bond with your baby/child is by co-sleeping. I'm here to tell ya, THAT AIN'T TRUE. There's also this false notion that you'll sleep so much better/deeper/soundly with your baby in bed with you. THAT AIN'T NECESSARILY TRUE EITHER.
YAWN YAWN YAWN
Testing something out
How fun!!!!!!!
Why I moved over here
Um....I'm not sure? Well, it started out that I had the "itch" to move. Perhaps moving a lot in real life has caused me to want to move a lot in cyberspace as well? I'm not sure!
Anyway, I first saw that Carrie had moved. Then somehow I followed a link of a link of a link and learned more about homeschooljournal.net. I think that's when I signed up. I was still in the iffy stages then though.
But what sold me on moving over here:
- categories - I think I could have finagled it over at blogspot, but I didn't have the time to mess with setting it all up
- I could import my archives - all my posts AND COMMENTS over here
- password protection if I want it on some posts
- if I change my theme, all my sidebar options remain the same - at blogspot if I changed my template my sidebars disappeared
- it is SOOOOOOOOOOO easy to change my sidebar - no messing with the template
- in general Word Press seems to be a LOT more versatile
- trackbacking is included - no messing with haloscan or any of that
- REAL PEOPLE help with any of my problems - Andrea and Ron are AWESOME!!!
- probably lots more that I don't even realize yet LOL
Now, the ONE (and so far I've only found one) drawback is that I can't tweak my theme. But that has been something pretty minor for me, to be honest. The benefits FAR outweigh that one thing!
If anyone is on the lookout for a new blog hosting site, you can sign up here.
