On Pearls and Perfectionism
Ann at Choosing Home sums up my thoughts EXACTLY. Especially this:
Each reader brings his/her own history to the page, which causes each to read the words very differently. Which means a writer, one who sets themselves in the position of a teacher, such as the Pearls, must write with great care:
“Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” James 3:1
Thus, a writer must go to great measures to painstakingly and repeatedly clarify their teachings —for s/he knows not the history and glasses with which the reader may be reading the words…and how their words may be applied.And I offer that for a significant sector of readers the writings of Michael and Debi Pearl fail to clearly offer consistently helpful, Biblical, parenting direction.
As a Mama who read Pearl’s and attempted to implement their teachings, I suggest:
1. Their writings lack clarity.
2. Their writings create sufficient confusion to potentially lead well-meaning, loving parents into abusive discipline.
3. Their writings belittle those who do not subscribe to their paradigm which may cause a parent to doubt any of their own, personal misgivings with Pearl teaching…which is, again, potentially dangerous.
I have found this to be true with anything I've ever read by the Pearls. The standard response seems to be, "Oh well what they MEANT was....." My response to that? Then they should have SAID WHAT THEY MEANT. Another common response is, "Well, you just need to use common sense." My response? What about the parents who either 1) lack common sense, 2) have been told that what the Pearls teach is the Biblical way and trumps "common sense," since after all, common sense is "worldly," or 3) both.
I have been approached to become an affiliate of The Old Schoolhouse magazine and have a banner on my site. I'm not advocating a boycott of them or homeschoolblogger, however, until TOS stops defending the Pearls and begins examining the concerns, I will NOT be affiliating myself with them. (I do think the call for a boycott is dumb, but I personally am not comfortable doing business with them in any way.)
I applaud Ann for speaking out, and I thank her for vocalizing my thoughts.

Ron wrote,
Thanks for sharing that. James did a great job of nutsheeling Christianity IMO.
Link | April 10th, 2006 at 5:16 pm
Ron, I totally agree!
Link | April 10th, 2006 at 6:26 pm
Dollymama wrote,
When you mention TOS defending the Pearls, what exactly do you mean? The article about how great CTBHHM was? Or something else? I’m curious.
Link | April 10th, 2006 at 6:57 pm
Yes, mostly it stems from the whole CTBHHM bru-ha-ha. But the impression I get is that the Pearls are definite “faves.”
I may change my mind about becoming an affiliate…I dunno. But at this point in time I don’t really feel at peace about it.
Link | April 10th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
Catez wrote,
hi Keer! I actually just wanted to say I love your new blog and will update my link. Finally caught up with you.
Link | April 11th, 2006 at 12:31 am
Spunky wrote,
This actually started before the murder of the little boy. TOS was scheduled to go to Europe and some of the expenses were paid for by sponsors. One of the sponsoring ministries was NGJ. The Europeans reacted to that sponsorship and began a boycott of the TOS trip. This trickled into the blogs. When the little boy died it fueled a flickering flame and it was further complicated by other issues somewhat related. The Spring issue of TOS has more on the whole issue.
The CTBHHM issue from last year is only partly related in that TOS did a formal review of the book. They also did a review of my review which heavily defended the teachings in the book.
Link | April 11th, 2006 at 5:45 am
Interesting, Spunky!
I do hope I haven’t given the impression that I’m in agreement with the folks who claim that TOS is advocating child abuse (’cuz I think that’s a bunk of baloney), but I have just been very uncomfortable with the ties between TOS and NGJ.
And really it’s not that I think that the Pearls are evil personified, which I KNOW THEY AREN’T. But there are valid concerns that are repetitively raised, and so far the only reponse is that of “Oh, we’re being persecuted, please pray for us,” rather than constructive dialogue.
Link | April 11th, 2006 at 10:30 am
Spunky wrote,
You didn’t come across that way to me Keer. This whole situation has some many tentacles. It makes it difficult to say anything without being accused of siding with one side or the other.
Link | April 11th, 2006 at 12:16 pm
Boy, ain’t that the truth, Spunky!!!!!
Link | April 11th, 2006 at 12:26 pm
Dana wrote,
ok…did you move here or are you duplicating your blog? I can’t keep up with all the moving going on here!
I definitely agree with you on the bit with the “we’re being persecuted please pray for us.” How does the name of one particular ministry end up equated with Christ? TOS was a conservative, Christian magazine before the NGJ thing came up and no one seemed to mind. Their stance with Christ is not the issue and never was. That isn’t what the “persecution” is about.
I’m not big into boycotts myself. I certainly do not stand with TOS, but they do not advocate child abuse…I just think they are off base defending NGJ with the vigor they have. If NGJ were “just” advertisers, I would have no difficulty at all. But it appears it goes well beyond that.
Homeschooling Today has a link to the materials as well. At least to CTBHHM.
What really bothers me is the fact that the Pearls really seem to be on the light side of what appears to be a movement among conservative homeschooling families (450,000 copies of TTUAC is a lot considering it is marketed largely to HS’ers and there are only 1.7 million of us). Back when Babywise was big, those methods were linked with failure to thrive babies and doctors were being trained to look for and ask questions to find out if the parents were using these materials. Soon, doctors and school officials and whoever else comes into contact with children will be trained to ask the right questions to our children because homeschooling will be seen as a “risk factor” for abuse, along with live in boyfriends and alcoholism.
Oh wait. According to HSLDA, CPS already does include that as a risk factor in reports. And the more I read of the twisted stuff out there done in the name of Christ, the more I don’t blame the world for looking at us with suspicion.
On a related subject, I have a question for you. Can I email you?
Link | April 11th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Dana,
Yes, I’ve moved over here. I was able to import all of my archives from blogspot over to this blog. WOOHOO!!!! So it looks the same except for the newest posts.
Thanks for your thoughts…I think you’re onto something. For some reason “conservative Christianity” (which is actually what I claim) has this fringe element that makes us all look bad. It’s scary.
Link | April 11th, 2006 at 4:58 pm
Dana wrote,
Maybe I should have made it clear…I claim myself as conservative Christian as well. And have gotten used to the term “fundamentalist” being “thrown” at me. Yeah. I guess. If that is what fundamentalist means, that’s what I am.
I think that is part of what really disturbs me about the whole thing. It strikes too closely.
Link | April 11th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
Joelle wrote,
I like the new blog! I’ll try to update my links when I get a chance.
Link | April 12th, 2006 at 11:06 am
papergirl wrote,
Really nice site, Keer!!! Thank you for all your hard work.
Link | April 13th, 2006 at 10:40 am
Dollymama wrote,
Wait a sec….*murder* of a little boy?! How did I not hear about this?
Link | April 14th, 2006 at 7:51 pm
Phyllis wrote,
Just curious, did you move your blog here from HSB? I know I have visited you before, but i don’t remember how I came across your blog. I currenly have my blog hosted at HSB, but it is very new and I have very few readers..
I agree with Dana, the defense of the Pearls and their ministry seems very strong by TOS/HSB. I also see a lack of humilty and willingness to enter into a Christian discussion about the materials in question by the Pearls themselves.
Because of the whole issue with the Pearls, I have been considering moving to *somewhere.* My problem is that my children have blogs as well and I very much want them to continue to blog in a *safe* place. This may fit the bill.
I will continue to follow the situation and will add you to my google reader subscription.
Have a blessed Easter. Maybe I’ll move over here and we’ll be bloggin’ buddies….
Link | April 15th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
Hi Phyllis!
No, I moved here from blogspot. Though I do know that several folks HAVE moved to homeschooljournal.net from homeschoolblogger.
Link | April 15th, 2006 at 2:14 pm