Archive for October, 2005
A Parenting Epiphany
(Disclaimer #1: I am SO not an expert in this area. I am deep in the trenches. This is merely an observation and a revelation I had.)
(Disclaimer #2: I will be speaking in GENERALITIES. I know that not everyone is the same. I'm only speaking of the tendencies that I've witnessed.)
It seems that there are 2 extremes on the parenting spectrum. At one end you have the grace-based discipline camp, and at the other end you have the Pearl/Ezzo/Woodshed camp. As I was talking with a mom yesterday, it occured to me that often the difference between these 2 camps is due to the assumptions the parents make about a particular behavior.
The Pearl/Ezzo/Woodshed parents tend to look at the child doing xyz and assume that the child is being rebellious. The child, therefore, needs to be disciplined so that he won't do xyz anymore. I've heard moms ask how to train their 10-month-olds out of picking up things off the floor and putting them in their mouths - did they need to give them a swat for that? Toddlers are discplined for getting out of bed PERIOD during the night. Etc.
On the flip side, many (I know not all, TG
) GBD parents tend to look at the child doing xyz and assume that it's a developmental issue, something is wrong with the child, something is wrong with the relationship between the child and parent, etc. In other words, often excuses are made for the behavior. If the child stands up in a restaurant and starts running around, he's just being "spirited." If he colors on the walls he is showing his creativity. Etc.Both of these approaches have their place. But the tendency to usually assume rebellion or the tendency to usually assume innocence can be dangerous. There must be a balance, and the parent must look to the WHY behind said behavior. Toddlers do need to be trained to stay in their beds, but the parent must realize that there are legitimate reasons for the toddler to get up (potty, sick, bad dream, etc.). A child in a restaurant must not be expected to just "sit there and wait" with nothing to do, but he also must not be allowed to just run around either.
There are also situations in which it could go either way. An older baby is screaming in his high chair. The Ezzo/Pearl/Woodshed parent might discipline the baby for the screaming ("discipline" could mean a myriad of things - I'm not talking specifically of spa*king). The GBD parent might completely ignore it in the name of development ("Oh, he's just expressing himself.") But what they all need to be looking at is WHY the baby is screaming. Is he screaming because he was told, "No," to something? Is he screaming because his food is too hot, and he burnt his finger? Is it because he's done and wants to get down? Is it because his belt is pinching him? Is it because he is not pleased with the food he's been given? Etc.
I think that many parents don't go to this extreme and do look at the situation to see just what is going on. But ya know, I have to be honest, I've seen/heard some things that make me wonder!
I knew that the 2 camps were pretty much polar opposites, but I've never been able to figure out WHY. So when it dawned on me yesterday (as I was thinking to myself, "Man, give the kid some grace! He might not be acting 'rebellious' as you think!") that the basic assumptions that are behind these 2 approaches are what is so different, it just really opened my eyes. We need to be aware of rebellion as a possibility, but we don't need to ASSUME it. We need to be aware of some legitimate reason behind some sort of behavior, but we don't need to ASSUME it and excuse the behavior right off. We need to approach each situation with fresh eyes, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to us the real reason behind that situation. It may not be what we think.
Google meme
Saw this fun meme at Princess Ruby.
What you're supposed to do is go to Google and search in their images section. Then post the first (or your favorite) image when you enter the following things:
* The name of the town where you grew up.
* The name of the town where you live now.
* Your name.
* Your Grandmother's name. (Pick one)
* Your favorite food.
* Your favorite drink.
* Your favorite song.
* Your favorite smell.
I grew up in Russellville, Arkansas. This is a map from a page called "Fathers That Kill," and it discusses R. Gene Simmons killing his family and others in our community. I'm actually friends with the niece of one of the men he shot. (Fortunately the man lived.)
I don't really live in Spokane, but it's near here. 
Kirstin
(Although really I don't have a particular "favorite"!)
I don't really have a favorite song either, but I do like "Never Alone" by Barlow Girl. This is a painting with the same title, by Ron DiCianni.
(C, this one's for you! )
Duggar Baby #16 is here!
Congratulations Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, and welcome Johannah Faith!!!
Arkansas Mother Gives Birth to 16th Child
Review: The Bible or the Axe by William Levi
(The Bible or the Axe was provided to me free of charge by Mind and Media, who received it from the publisher for the purpose of being reviewed.)
This book has caused me to realize that I'm a Western Christianity snob. Somehow I've grown to think that if it weren't for us western Christians and the missionaries we send all over the world, no one anywhere would know anything about Jesus.
Um, no.
William Levi is a Sudanese man. But he also is of Hebraic descent, from the tribe of Levi. He is also a believer in Christ. But his family didn't learn about Jesus from missionaries. No, his Christian heritage goes way, WAY back. You know in Acts 8, the story of Philip and the Ethiopian? That is just one way that the gospel reached the people of Africa, and the faith has been passed down for generations since.
At an early age, William had to flee the Sudan with his family to escape religious persecution from Islamic jihadists. They fled to Uganda and established a small community there. In his book he describes what life was like growing up. He actually made me feel sorry for myself - his home sounded so wonderful, even though at age 5 he was already the primary shepherd of his father's flock! (And I realized that boy, my children are most likely more capable of things that I thought!
) He grew up in a small community surrounded by other believers, in the jungle.But again persecution threatened his family's way of life, and as a teen he left home to go to school. I don't want to give away the exciting happenings in his life, but let's just say that God is still in the business of doing supernatural things, and William Levi has experienced them!
Another thing I had to face is that what we western Christians typically consider "persecution" - being told to turn off our Christian radio station at work, being laughed at for having a fish symbol on our cars, having family members get mad at us for "judging" them when we say we disapprove of something - isn't really persecution at all. What William Levi and his family faced is true persecution. His parents died at the hands of the jihadists. William was tortured for refusing to say the words of the Shahada (the Islamic "profession of faith"). Reading his experiences humbled me. I don't know what persecution is at all.
He gives a brief history of Christianity in Africa, which I found fascinating. He concludes the book with explanations of the politics involved in Sudan and the nature of jihad. He also shares how Operation Nehemiah began, their mission, and how we can get involved.
I encourage you to visit their website and pray about how the Lord might want you to partner with William and his friends. The Bible and the Axe is a great place to start.
My Shackles Fit So Well
I've heard stories of prisoners near the end of their terms - they get apprehensive about being set free. Since prison is the only life they have known for so long, they are actually scared of being on the outside. They don't really want to leave their prison - not because they particularly LIKE being imprisoned, but because it's comfortable. They know what to expect. Freedom is a frightening thought.
I know how they feel.
I'm currently going through Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible study. I had thought I'd join the study at church so I could meet some other ladies, but I didn't really expect to really be "wowed" by the study. I was so wrong.
We're only on week 4, but as I said, it's already dawned on me that my shackles, while they aren't necessarily "comfortable," are familiar. They are what I've known for so long that the thought of actually being FREE is scary! But Christ desires for me to experience freedom in Him. So I'm taking a deep breath and trying to take the plunge. I know He'll catch me, but still - yikes!!!
The Lord has been showing me some interesting things. One thing that I would like to study more in-depth is the concept of peace. Beth points out:
The key to peace is authority. When we allow the Prince of Peace to govern our lives, peace either immediately or ultimately results. Peace accompanies authority.
Peace comes in situations completely surrendered to the sovereign authority of Christ. Sometimes when we finally give up trying to discover all the answers to the "why's" in our lives and decide to trust a sovereign God, unexpected peace washes over us like a summer rain. We sometimes lack peace in far less strenuous circumstances because we are not as desperate or likely to turn them over to God.
Wow! I've never really thought that peace comes as a result of being obedient to Christ, but - DUH - it makes total sense!
Another thing that struck me about peace is just what it IS. Isaiah 48:18 says:
If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.
And Beth says:
A river is a moving stream of water. God's Word does not say we'll have peace like a pond.
Ack, I don't want to hear that!!!
When I think of "peace" I tend to think of a lack of activity...sleep...rest...quiet...stillness. But that's not really what this verse says. A river is moving. So it's possible to be busy and have a lot on our plate, yet have peace at the same time. Wow! Beth says:Peace is submission to a trustworthy Authority, not resignation from all activity.
So basically I've been seeking the wrong thing. I've been seeking peace, thinking it meant a slow-down in activity. And when that hasn't happened, I've been disappointed and frustrated. So now I'm able to seek true peace, even in the midst of the storm.
His presence is the basis for courage in our storms. Christ did not say, "Take courage! I am calming the storm. Don't be afraid." Instead, with the winds still raging, He said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." He does not always immediately calm the storm, but He is always willing to calm His child on the basis of His presence. "Don't worry! I'm right here! I know the winds are raging and the waves are high, but I am God over both. If I let them continue to swell, it's because I want you to see Me walk on water.
HOW COOL IS THAT?????
So now this past week, we looked at some obstacles that are preventing us from the benefits of a relationship with Christ. One of those benefits is peace. Beth had us do a rather interesting activity. Philippians 4:6-7 say:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Beth had us paraphrase those verses from a negative standpoint. So we turned this "prescription for peace" into a "prescription for anxiety." I'll combine what I said with what she said:
Do not be calm about anything, but in everything, by dwelling on it constantly and feeling picked on by God, with thoughts like 'and this is the thanks I get,' and complaining, present your aggravations to everyone you know but Him. And the anxiety from the devil will cause your hearts and minds and bodies to be prone to attack.
This was so eye-opening for me! That pretty much summed up what I do and what I experience! So I'm realizing that one of my major shackles has a name: Prayerlessness.
Oh how I want that to change! Beth writes:
I searched for all the uses of the word pray in its various forms from Genesis to Revelation. I nearly wept as I saw hundreds of references.
Then Abraham prayed...Isaac prayed...Jacob prayed...Then Moses left Pharoah and prayed...So Moses prayed for the people...Then Manoah prayed to the Lord...Then Samson prayed...Hannah wept much and prayed...So David prayed...Elijah stepped forward and prayed...And Elisha prayed, "O, Lord"...After Job had prayed for his friends...And Hezekiah prayed to the Lord...Daniel got down on his knees and prayed...From inside the fish Jonah prayed...Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed...Going a little farther, He fell with his face to the ground and prayed.
And then she said something that just hit be between the eyes:
when our lives are over and the record of our days stands complete, may the words have been written of us, Then she prayed.
Oh, how I desire that!!!!
So I may be popping in from time to time, sharing what the Lord is showing me as I go through this Bible study. I'm excited (yet yes, quite scared!!!!!) to see what He will do.
My chapter-by-chapter review of CTBHHM
(Although no, I guess it's not really a true "review" - not quite sure what to call it LOL! Basically it's what "spoke" to me - both good and bad - as I read it.)
I have 5 chapters left. But to be quite honest, I am just tired of it. I feel like such a flake for not wanting to finish blogging about it, especially since there ARE good tidbits of info. and some good advice that Mrs. Pearl shares with us! But truly, chapter 23 is what put this book into the "I Cannot Recommend This Book In Any Form or Fashion" category, and I have no idea where to even BEGIN on that chapter! (And I'm sure that anyone who reads this and thinks I just "have it out for the Pearls" or that I'm a feminist or that I'm rebellious and unsubmissive will read all sorts of things into that statement, which is fine...whatever. Most likely those things are SO not true, but why even bother defending myself, KWIM?)
I dunno...I want to finish it, yet I feel like I'd be beating a dead horse. So. I'm going to be praying about whether I need to finish blogging about it. But I wanted to give a heads up (LOL, if there's anyone who has just been chomping at the bit for the next chapter!
) just in case I don't finish the series.
My little mommy in the making
S is 12 months and just a few days old. She has been quite attracted to a few of L's little baby dolls, so I decided to get her one for her birthday. Well, my parents are coming tomorrow for the week (Yay!), and we decided to wait to celebrate S's birthday until they were here. So today I finally got around to getting her present.
We went to Walmart as a family (WHY did I go on a Saturday???????), and we went into the toy section to look for a baby. All through the toys, she just sort of sat in the cart, not really reacting to anything.
And then we came to the baby aisle.
This little thing (remember - she just turned ONE on Tuesday!) starts squealing and pointing at all the babies! She was in heaven and we could tell! So I FINALLY found a baby that wasn't just super cheaply made, and her face was just priceless. It lit up, and she was SO EXCITED to have her baby!!!!!
I cannot wait until she opens it officially so I can take pictures of my baby with her baby!
(And so much for that nurture vs. nature garbage LOL!)
