A response to the CTBHHM reviews
In their latest issue of No Greater Joy, the Pearls respond to the reviews of Created To Be His Help Meet in the blogosphere. They didn't name names, but since there are only about 5-6 blogs that have posted anything negative about the book, I'm guessing that my blog is one that they are responding to.
Spunky posted her response here, and it sums up my response as well.
Our stance isn't a popular one, but when a book claims to be Biblical yet twists Scripture and promotes extrabiblical teachings, it's a necessary stance.
As a result of my review series I have been accused of: not having a teachable spirit, being a feminist, not promoting submission, "having it out" for the Pearls, and more. I'm not going to play the emotional game that involves making unsubstantiated accusations and name-calling. I actually welcome discussion on the actual substance of the book and my reviews. Since this book is so wildly popular, I do hope that I am in error! Unfortunately no one has been able to show me where I am. It seems Spunky and the other reviewers are experiencing the same thing, based on what I have read in the comments on their posts. Typically the extent of disagreement reads something like this, "Why do you have it out for the Pearls? This book has been such a blessing, why don't you like it? What Mrs. Pearl MEANT was xyz...." Albert (see the comments of my posts) has been pretty much the only one willing to discuss it based on Scripture rather than emotionalism.
It's sad that an intelligent dialogue can't be had about this book. It's sad that our concerns about the book are dismissed so easily; i.e., "take the good and leave the bad." When a book doesn't claim to be Biblical and "God's plan for a heavenly marriage," I'm all for that. But when a book makes the claims this one does, it has better stick VERY close to Scripture, and this one strays in several areas. THAT is the basis for my concern, and so far no one has addressed my concerns.
Barbara wrote,
ROFL!!!! she didn’t even read what you wrote???
i knew it!
dontcha worry Keer, we all love you!
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 4:55 am
Barbara wrote,
ROFL!!!! she didn’t even read what you wrote???
i knew it!
dontcha worry Keer, we all love you!
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 4:55 am
Kimberly wrote,
I’m sorry, but my first reaction is “pathetic”. If you are going to address what people are saying about you…then you should KNOW what they are saying about you. I don’t think that yours or spunky’s reviews have been personal attacks at all…but you’ve just been personally attacked. You go girl!
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 8:46 am
razorbackmama wrote,
I’m not sure if Mrs. Pearl has read our reviews or not. But yes, what has been a simple review of a book and questions/concerns about what the book teaches has turned into personal attacks on the reviewers. It’s quite sad.
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 9:57 am
Jessica wrote,
so you don’t like the book? do you have a post as to where you illustrated your opposition. I’ve been comparing reviews on the book for sometime…both secular and non-secular…
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 12:19 pm
razorbackmama wrote,
If you look on the sidebar on my main page, you can see the reviews I’ve done of each chapter. I’m up to chapter 19.
Overall, no, I cannot recommend the book. There is some good advice in it, but there is a lot of Scripture-twisting and overall a dangerous picture of what marriage should look like.
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 12:25 pm
Dawn wrote,
Keer….It has been evident to me that you have been sticking to what the book says and examining against scripture. That is exactly what our Lord tells us to do. You have found CTBHHM to be in error in many areas because of this. I am sorry that you have been personally attacked for it. You have put yourself in an uneviable position for righteousness sake, and while some will not see it that way, don’t let it discourage you from continuing on.
BIG HUG!!!!
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 1:33 pm
razorbackmama wrote,
Thanks Dawn!
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 2:11 pm
Jessica wrote,
thanks for the info. I’m agnostic, and talk to a lot of different people, and I hear this book referred to ALL the time, and debated whether or not I should just read it myself to see what the hullabaloo was about.
Link | September 19th, 2005 at 2:54 pm
Barbara wrote,
sorry about that double post up there…
and ditto what Dawn says!
Link | September 20th, 2005 at 4:11 am
Jessica wrote,
thanks for effectively covering the book, saved me some time.
Link | September 20th, 2005 at 8:59 am
Dominion Family wrote,
Keer,
Call me late to the ballgame but I am very interested in this discussion. I recently gave my mom the book when she showed interest in it sitting on my bedside table. I had not read the book yet. Now she calls me frequently and asks me what I think of this and that and I must admit I have been a bit taken back and unable to respond. I did tell her that I always considered the Pearls a mixed bag and not to take everything they said hook,line and sinker. Now I will stop using the word “and” for a few minutes.
Link | September 20th, 2005 at 5:09 pm
DollyMama wrote,
Unfortunately, it’s just no surprise that the Pearls would not take a direct approach to clearing up the misunderstandings that arise from their writings. It’s sad, but I think the bottom line is that people who want to love the book will, and people who don’t won’t. (it’s like the Ezzo books and so many others. Some people can block out a lot of garbage, others aren’t willing to.)
Your reviews have been balanced and carefully examined against the Bible. If I had written a book and you could look at it and say, “Here is something you wrote that doesn’t seem to add up to this in the Bible” I would want to be able to say to you, “Thank you for coming to me. I see what you are saying.” and then from there go on to either explain my position and back it up with scripture or whatever evidence I have, or correct my position and apologize. I guess I always thought that when you write something or say something that you proclaim to be Biblical, that you are putting yourself “out there” as a teacher, and that there is extra responsibility along with that. It’s the biggest reason I haven’t written a book yet!
Anyhoo, keep on keeping on, Keer. I’ve gotten plenty of the good stuff from the book from your reviews, without having to waste my money trudging through the garbage in it. I can use a good kick in the wifely butt as well as any other girl.
Link | September 21st, 2005 at 4:58 am
Serena wrote,
Well said, dollymama!
Love and shalom,
Serena
Link | September 21st, 2005 at 10:49 am
razorbackmama wrote,
“I guess I always thought that when you write something or say something that you proclaim to be Biblical, that you are putting yourself “out there” as a teacher, and that there is extra responsibility along with that.”
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!! If the book were solely written from the perspective of “this has been my experience” or “this is what I’ve noticed” or “I’ve seen this work in my marriage and in others,” then I wouldn’t have an issue with the book at all. For example, Dr. Laura’s book is written from a practical perspective, not a Biblical one (since she isn’t a believer), and so were I to disagree with something, I would be free to simple leave behind those things.
However, since this book is written as “This is what the Bible says,” it must be held to a different standard, and we aren’t free to just take the good and leave the bad, since it is supposedly teaching God’s Word and ways. If we leave the parts that we disagree with, then isn’t that saying we disagree with God’s Word? Which is why authors must be so careful when they proclaim, “Thus saith the Lord.” They need to be sure He actually HAS.
Spunky is being somewhat attacked for her reviews, so be in prayer for her. You can find these posts here:
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/devdoordeborah (Look for the posts about responding to Spunky’s review - there are 3 of them I believe.)
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Dalyn/26435/ (note the inability to post comments on this one)
Link | September 21st, 2005 at 11:23 am
razorbackmama wrote,
Cindy,
Thanks for coming by!
And it DOES have some good info. on it, but I do wish that it didn’t have “God’s way” written throughout it. 
It does make for interesting reading.
Link | September 21st, 2005 at 1:51 pm
sparrow wrote,
Does the vehement defense of the Pearls seem strange to anyone else? Are people as defensive of other authors? It’s weird, really.
I am also surprised that the horrible comment directed at Spunky on the homeschoolblogger “review” has not been addressed. I’d never let someone talk that way on my blog.
This whole issue is so ridiculous. I can’t believe a book review has generated such anger!
I am praying for Spunky - what a week!
God have mercy on us all.
Link | September 21st, 2005 at 5:15 pm
razorbackmama wrote,
Sparrow,
It is odd.
I saw that comment as well, and no one has addressed it. She has also written a post on her own blog that is even worse. (I linked to it above.)
This whole situation is so sad.
Link | September 21st, 2005 at 5:58 pm
Carla wrote,
Ack! I feel like weeping. This is bordering on the insane! Why, why, why can’t someone just adress the issues of misuse of Scripture? If I (we) are missing something I’d sure like to know!
Link | September 21st, 2005 at 6:16 pm
Serena wrote,
I did address the comments left by the one woman on that blog last night. I really believe I needed to say something. I shelved it for a while and prayed over it, but ended up saying something. I posted under Part 3 if it is still there. I can tell you if you read through all that is on that site, you will see that it is a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof. That is especially so if it can work for an unbeliever, too. That is just the works of our own flesh, then, instead of His wonderful working in us. Actually, I think we are being distracted by this. I wouldn’t give a ministry like that the time of day anymore. It is religion. I know I’ll get attacked for that somewhere, but someone needs to be saying it. We need to be following Messiah and hearing His voice and obeying Him.
Love and shalom,
Serena
Link | September 22nd, 2005 at 7:43 am
sparrow wrote,
Just to let you know, the author of that bad comment apologized for it today. Good for her!
God bless.
Link | September 22nd, 2005 at 9:45 am
razorbackmama wrote,
Sparrow,
Thanks for letting us know! That is good to know.
Link | September 22nd, 2005 at 9:55 am
Barbara wrote,
“I can tell you if you read through all that is on that site, you will see that it is a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof. That is especially so if it can work for an unbeliever, too. That is just the works of our own flesh, then, instead of His wonderful working in us. Actually, I think we are being distracted by this. I wouldn’t give a ministry like that the time of day anymore. It is religion. ”
Serena i so agree…i think that’s what bothers me about them…and so many other authors…people tend to follow THEM and not the Word
i too am sad about all the ruckus this is kicking up, and i apologize to Keer and anyone else if any “snarky” comment made by me has offended…not my intent!
blessings to all!
Link | September 22nd, 2005 at 10:46 am
Kathleen in MT wrote,
An e-friend of mine (who is still a Pearl fan) met them just last week and she asked Debi what she thought of all the controversy surrounding her book. She said that from her feedback she sees that there is usually no middle ground. That wives either absolutely love or absolutely hate her book, and
that the wives who love her book are the ones who are seeing their
marriages transformed into glorious ones.
So that tells you she is not even considering any of the legitimate questions you and Spunky and other thoughtful and respected women are bringing up.
Kathleen
Link | September 22nd, 2005 at 7:15 pm
razorbackmama wrote,
Did your friend happen to say about the ones who hate the book? Or do I want to know? :-/
It is sad. Oh well, as Mrs. Pearl herself said, “The proof is in the pudding.”
Link | September 22nd, 2005 at 7:52 pm
Serena wrote,
Well, I’ve got what I consider a “glorious marriage” and if you asked my husband, he would say the same. We both have major problems with the book. I know I have lots of room to grow in my life and with my husband, but I also know that my Redeemer is faithful and will continue to do His work in me as He has promised. My part is to surrender to Him.
Love and shalom,
Serena
Link | September 23rd, 2005 at 7:55 am
TulipGirl wrote,
Does the vehement defense of the Pearls seem strange to anyone else? Are people as defensive of other authors? It’s weird, really.
It makes sense to me.
The Pearls teach about a lot of things, and are quite persuasive to many people. They address many issues–like homeschooling, health & herbs, parenting, lots on child-training, homos*xuality, KJV-only, marriage, etc, etc, etc.
Say a Christian family is influenced by and adopts some ideas from the Pearls. Because of the way the Pearl’s teach, it’s an all-or-nothing sort of deal. (See the comment earlier about Debi Pearl talking about “no middle ground.”)
So say a family is influenced by the Pearls and chooses to homeschool. (Homeschooling is good! *grin*) Homeschooling is positive for their family.
Then, they read CTBHHM. This family has been positively impacted by the Pearls w/ their homeschooling info, and so considers the Pearls to be a trustworthy resource. They read CTBHHM uncritically, because they like the Pearls.
Then they read Keer’s review.
What? The Pearls have misused Scripture?
The easiest and most immediate reaction is being defensive. After all, they like the Pearls, they accepted CTBHHM as something good. Now, in order to accept the idea that the Pearls misused Scripture, they will have to admit to themselves that they may not have been discerning.
And surprisingly–this is harder for people who have been Christians a long time than it is for new Christians. Admit that perhaps they were not discerning. That they were not like the “faithful bereans.” Admit that they accepted somthing that *sounded* good, but without really searching the Scripture.
It can also be hard because our mythical family is already so invested in things they learned from the Pearls. (Homeschooling.) Now, we all know the Pearls aren’t the only homeschooling advocates. But for this family to question the Pearls means going back and re-evaluating all they learned from them.
And it’s hard. . . It takes a lot of grace, humility, willingness to rely upon the Lord, to go back and question things we’ve assumed were right. To go back and really search out the Scriptures and see how the Gospel applies.
Link | September 23rd, 2005 at 5:22 pm
TulipGirl wrote,
Let me clarify. . . I wrote this paragraph in a way that miscommunicated:
“Say a Christian family is influenced by and adopts some ideas from the Pearls. Because of the way the Pearl’s teach, it’s an all-or-nothing sort of deal. (See the comment earlier about Debi Pearl talking about “no middle ground.”)”
I don’t mean that if a family accepts the Pearl’s teachings about homeschooling then it’s an all-or-nothing thing that leads to them using herbs and KJV and everything else the Pearls teach.
Rather, the Pearls present their ideas as a “no middle ground” sort of thing. You are either with them, or against them. You either conform to their brand of Christianity or you are wordly. You either follow CTBHHM and have a “heavenly” marriage, or you are in rebellion and in sin.
Link | September 23rd, 2005 at 5:26 pm
Serena wrote,
Tulip Girl,
That is a very astute observation and hits the nail on the head. I’ve been in those kind of places and had to heal after I left from the spiritual abuse. That makes me pretty sensitive to it now. Personally, I would run the other way.
Love and shalom,
Serena
Link | September 23rd, 2005 at 7:05 pm
Maggie wrote,
I don’t know that I can agree about the “all or nothing” idea. I liked CTBHHM. I enjoy the Pearl’s writings on homeschooling, child training, herbal stuff etc.
I disagree with them doctrinally.
I’m not KJV only.
I disagree with them about headcovering.
I disagree with them about how one should conduct courtship.
I think thier tone of writing is sometimes too sarcastic, and that they present thier ideas in a way that can unfortunately be easily misunderstood and used against them.
But I still would defend them and the book. Just like I defended Dr. Laura and her Proper Care and Feeding, or other others that I thought were unjustly attacked or had their beliefs misinterpreted.
Link | September 29th, 2005 at 3:14 am
razorbackmama wrote,
The difference between Dr. Laura’s book and CTBHHM, however, is that Dr. Laura’s book is intended as a practical sort of “self-help” book. CTBHHM is promoted as “God’s plan for marriage.” There is a HUGE difference between the two.
Link | October 1st, 2005 at 2:55 pm