I apologize for the delay of Chapter 18's review. Hurricane Katrina sidetracked things somewhat.

Chapter 18 is about being discreet:

Titus 2:4-5: "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet...."

On page 188 Mrs. Pearl explains the background for this chapter:

One usually thinks of discretion as the ability to avoid saying or doing that which is inapropriate - to know when and how to conduct oneself so as to not offend. If this is all that is intended by the text, then a person intending to commit fraud would always attempt to do so discreetly, but much more is obviously contained in this word. The Greek word that is tranlated discreet is also translated, in the Authorized Version, "taste" several times. In other instances, it is translated "behavior" and "judgment." Discretion, therefore is, [oops punctuation error here ROFLOL] having good tastes...good judgment...useful...to be of good understanding.

So I looked up the Greek word that is used in this passage. It is Sophron and means "of a sound mind, sane, in one's senses; curbing one's desires and impulses, self-controlled, temperate." It is only used in the New Testament 4 times. Twice it is translated "sober," once "temperate," and once (in this verse) "discreet." I have absolutely no idea where Mrs. Pearl got the information she did about the translation of this word. If anyone knows, would you kindly let me know so that I can correct this?

Mrs. Pearl shares several different aspects of discretion throughout the chapter, and all of these traits are definitely good ones to have. But I simply could not overlook her poor exegesis of this word, and unfortunately this is just one of many instances in this book that she does this. She could have left out that entire explanation and I wouldn't have had any sort of problem with it. Not that my opinion is what matters, but she is saying that the Word of God says things that it DOESN'T, and that is troubling.

ANYWAY!

On page 189 she says we must seek to be courteous - we must have consideration of others.

Consideration is just another way of saying, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

She also shares that

A discreet person is one who handles another person's resources with grave carefulness and honesty.

Page 190 says we must seek to be honest.

If a woman uses her friends by asking unnecessary favors or by borrowing and not returning, she is showing a lack of basic courtesy, which is an important element of discretion. When a woman manipulates people or situations, leaving others feelings used, all the while smiling in triumph at getting her way, she is the one actually losing.

Page 192 says that we must be gracious, which is very true. Mrs. Pearl begins this section with a letter from Ruth. She writes:

Should one be quiet when you know your husband is making a poor decision? Doesn't being a helper mean that I need to help him make better decisions?Last week my husband went to buy a new stove that we badly needed. He picked out a top-of-the-line stove and was willing to spend too much money in order to have the best. He called and asked me to go look at it and let him know what I thought. I shared my deep concern that it was simply too expensive. We do have the money, but I saw no need to buy the best, when the next scale down would do just as well. He called and told me he had canceled the order and bought the one I recommended. We both felt better with what I picked out. Should I have kept my mouth shut? I didn't tell him NOT to get it. I just thought it unwise to spend money unnecessarily. Do wives have to submit in everything? For example, what color to pain the walls or what kind of furniture to have? Are we to be just mindless robots?

He sent my two oldest children to public school against my better judgment, and I can now see some negative effects. I guess I have to live with that. I think I save him, myself, and my careless youngest daughter from many skirmishes. I really want to do the right thing. I battle this all the time.

I want genuine joy, but it is just not there.

A couple of things stand out to me in this letter: they COULD afford the stove the husband had picked out, and they both "felt better" with what she had picked out.

So I pretty much agree with what Mrs. Pearl says on page 193:

Your husband's choice of stoves is a statement that he is trying to express his great appreciation of you and to please and delight you.*snip*

If you had been wise, gracious, and loving when your husband called to inform you of the stove he had in mind to buy, you would have laughed and been delighted with your husband's choice of stove. If you had viewed the extra expense as one would a gift of flowers - a wonderfully beautiful waste of money, and an extravagant gesture of devoted husbandly love - yours especially, but his life also, would have been richer and fuller for it.

I would probably struggle with this as well since I'm so thrifty and practical when it comes to money. (But dh is equally as thrifty, so this situation probably would never happen around here LOL!)

But I wonder...what if they had NOT been able to afford it? After all, the husband had called and asked her to go look at it and let him know what she thought. He was asking for her opinion. Wouldn't it be all right for her to give him her opinion? We'll never know since Mrs. Pearl doesn't say....

Also, the wife says that both she and her husband felt better with what I had picked out. Why in the world is it even an issue then???

Mrs. Pearl also says on page 193:

Your history of "cautious leading" says to me that you see yourself as a wise woman, but you view him and your "careless" daughter as lacking good common sense.*snip*

...you view your husband as inept. He knows this is how you feel. This is why life is a constant struggle, why you are unhappy, why your daughter is "careless," and why (just a guess) you do not have a good s*x life.

Wow, she got all that from this letter????

True help meets do walk a fine line between potentially treating their husbands as inept and truly HELPING their husbands. But Mrs. Pearl is making several assumptions about their relationship from this one letter, and that can be dangerous.

Mrs. Pearl recommends that Ruth go back and read the story about Sunny so that she can learn how to reverence her husband properly. She recommends re-reading the story of Jezebel and making a list of responses in her life that she is going to change. She encourages her to learn how to pratice joy and thanksgiving. She tells her to read the s*x chapter so that

perhaps you both can cook up something really nice, without a stove of any kind.

(UGH all the references to s*x bother me! I'm sure they don't some, but they do me. It's just inappropriate.)

Beginning on page 194, Mrs. Pearl describes a lack of judgment:

"A wise woman doesn't attempt to instruct her husband through feigned questions. Her questions will be sincere inquiries concerning his will."

and then she lists Twelve Questions a Wife Can Ask That Will Tear Down Her House:

1. Do you feel comfortable spending that much money buying that ________________?
2. Are you sure God wants you to work at that job and be away from us all the time?
3. Honey, I need to ask you something very important that really tears me up inside. Doesn't this activity you are engaging in grieve your spirit?
4. Why don't you ever want to go with me to _____________?
5. Before we were married, you read your Bible or at least you said you did. Why don't you ever read and teach me and the children?
6. Why don't you spend more time with our sons?
7. Do you ever think of just loving me in the spiritual way instead of always the carnal? I am so hungry for some deep spriritual understanding and communication.
8. Sweetheart, why won't you have devotions with me? We want you to lead us in prayer and help us grow spiritually. The Bible says you are our spiritual leader; why, why will you not lead?
9. Why do you think the pastor said that about Charles? Don't you think it was cruel? Sometimes I wonder if we should go to church somewhere else.
10. Poor Charles, it is so sad to see what the preacher's mean words have done to that family. Don't you think we should do something about it, like call and let them know we love them and don't agree with the pastor? Besides, I am so hurt at the pastor myself.
11. Honey, it's church time. You need to get dressed. What! You're not going? But you always go to church. Do you think you should let a silly thing like that business with Charles keep you from worship? Besides, you know, the pastor was right, that Charles was up to no good all along! You have to go to church. What about the boys? You'll be a bad influence on them. Don't you care?
12. Jane, I want you to know that without your close, loving friendship, which I turn to every day, I would never be able to get through this loveless marriage. He is so cold and distant. He doesn't care about the children. I don't know how I could have been so deceived into thinking he was a fine, Christian man when I married him. Will you ask the girls to pray for him this week at our women's meeting?

It's apparent that the lady who inspired that list of questions had some issues. But questions like #1 and 4 CAN be OK to ask, provided the wife doesn't have some sort of ulterior motive. I'm concerned that women will come away from this book thinking that it's never OK to ask questions like those. Sometimes questions like those are necessary for healthy communication in a marriage relationship.

Mrs. Pearl sums up the chapter listing the traits of a good help meet (when we reflect on discreetness):
1. A good help meet grows in grace and knowledge.
2. She is gracious and honest.
3. She is without guile toward her husband.

From a "common sense advice" perspective, not a bad chapter. Some of her practical application left me wondering, however. Her exegesis of the word translated "discreet" in Titus 2:5 was poorly done, especially since the word means "self-controlled," but fortunately it didn't alter the substance of this chapter much.