(Sorry it has taken me a while to get to this chapter's review. I'm still recuperating from our company's visit LOL!)

Chapter 15 begins Part 2 of the book. Part 1 described what a help meet should be like (supposedly, and we've established that Mrs. Pearl's definition of a help meet is sorely lacking). Part 2 offers practical advice on the responsibilities of a wife, as outlined in Titus 2:

Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink. They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble,
So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children,
To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited).

In the KJV, the last part of verse 5 says, "that the word of God be not blasphemed," and that is Mrs. Pearl's focus in the opening section of Part 2:

Over the last several years I have asked hundreds of women, "Can you tell me the eight things God requires of a woman, which if she does not obey she will be quilty of blaspheming God's Word?"

To be honest, I haven't done a WHOLE lot of study on whether this verse is a complete picture of a wife's duties, or if Paul was telling Titus these things because they touched on problems that were going on in that culture and time. These characteristics are DEFINITELY ones that a wife should possess, yet we must always remember that the whole of Scripture reveals a much more expanded image of a godly wife.

The next several chapters discuss the different areas in which a wife "must obey", lest she expose the Word of God to reproach. Mrs. Pearl uses the order that is in Titus 2, so the first characteristic of a godly wife she discusses is soberness.

Page 147:

To be sober:To do one's duty, be moderate, self-controlled, thoughtful, and to learn to make wise decisions and judgments.*snip*

A sober wife is one who faces the fact that she is no longer a freewheeling individual, with time to do as she pleases. She knows that marriage is a joyous, but also a grave, responsibility. She cannot be flighty and frivolous. She makes a commitment to be the best wife, mother, and manager of her home that anyone could be. She becomes the acting CEO of a great enterprise of which her husband is the owner.

Oh this is so true. I can't say it any better than that. :-)

Mrs. Pearl discusses the importance of a smoothly-run home.

When a woman soberly considers the needs, time schedule, and resources of her home, then she will be a more efficient help meet.

She stresses that the home should be a place of refuge and peace. So so true. (And I have such a long way to go - UGH!!!!!)

With as good as this chapter began, I hate that Mrs. Pearl had to move into bad examples, but since that has been the trend with the rest of the book, I guess I'm not too surprised. :-( She shares this letter:

Dear Debi,I was totally exhausted yesterday when my husband came home from work. The children were sick. I have a new baby, and she was coming down with a fever. He came in and never inquired how I felt or how my day was. He started off by asking why the place was such a wreck and "when will dinner be ready," because it was the night for choir practice, and he wanted to get there early. He was rude, insensitive, and indifferent to my exhaustion, the kids' sickness, and everything else. He was so selfish, and it hurt so badly. What was I supposed to do? Reward this selfish jerk with loving service?

Jill

Dear Jill, It is your duty, your job, and in your best interest to reward your husband.

Debi

I'm sorry, but both are wrong.

When Jill's husband asked why the place was such a wreck, she could have simply said, "The children are sick, and I've been tending to their needs all day. I've done what I can, but their physical needs took top priority." When he asked when dinner will be ready, she could have said, "How about if we order a pizza?" with a smile on her face. She doesn't have to be rude BACK to him, and she should still serve him, but neither should she feel guilty that she cared for her sick children rather than keeping the house spotless, just so that her husband would be "rewarded."

And guilt is exactly where Mrs. Pearl goes with this, because she blames Jill for the situation.

No one would dispute that Jill's husband is insensitive, but two wrongs do not make a good marriage. One "right" can make a BIG difference in a marriage and change that selfish old guy.

The advice that Mrs. Pearl gives in this situation would simply encourage more of the selfish behavior in most men. And nothing Jill does can change her man, only the Holy Spirit can.

Always keep in mind that your job is to do a good job serving him, so planning ahead is a must. If Jill had done better at her job, her husband would not have been such a jerk.

So Jill is to blame for her husband's sinful behavior???

Your husband expects you to plan ahead. He plans ahead at his place of work, otheriwse he would lose his job. If you plan ahead, conflicts like this can be avoided,

I'm sorry, but we can't plan for everything.

Proverbs 19:21 - Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand.

The bulk of the chapter discusses practical tips on how to plan ahead with meals, how to simplify with meals, how to cook the meals your husband wants, etc. (LOL, notice the common thread?) Mrs. Pearl sings the praises of the crock pot, advises women to have meals on the table on time, recommends serving the same breakfast/lunch meals everyday, etc. I'd love to hear her advice for women whose husbands hate crock pot meals, do not come home at regular times for supper (as is the case with me), and who want a variety of foods. I see what Mrs. Pearl tried to do with these few pages, but it was somewhat of a waste of space since men vary SO WIDELY with their tastes, what they want in meals, etc.

Mrs. Pearl then quotes from a 1950s home ec textbook, "How to Be a Good Wife Today": Have dinner ready, prepare yourself, clear away the clutter, prepare the children, minimize all noise, don't greet him with problems or complaints, don't complain if he is late, listen to him, make the evening his.

"The goal: try to make your home a place of peace and order, where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit."

I like this, and I think my husband would too. If only I knew when he was going to be home LOL! (When he actually leaves the house for work, that is; many days he works out of a home office.)

The next part of the chapter...I'm not sure why it's even there. It's a letter from a woman who was a very anxious woman until she started following the Pearls' advice. The only thing that ties it in with the rest of the chapter is that

This letter shows how not getting our way often causes us to have a nervous, troubled spirit instead of the quiet (sober) spirit God expects us to have.

It just totally doesn't fit with the subject matter of the rest of the chapter, so it left me scratching my head.

At the end of the chapter, Mrs. Pearl lists traits of a good help meet:

A good help meet establishes a haven of rest.
She will adjust to her husband's time schedule and eating habits.
She will relax and enjoy her family, instead of worrying and fretting.

Oh, maybe the worrying and fretting part was where the nervous breakdown letter tied in???

(I had to chuckle at adjusting to my husband's time schedule...WHAT TIME SCHEDULE???? LOLOL!!!!!)

Finally, Mrs. Pearl has an assignment for us.

Think of an occasion in the recent past when you became angry or were hurt because your husband responded in a way that you felt was wrong. Keep in mind that the other side of the coin of being angry is being hurt. It is one and the same coin, and it buys the same results: a bad marriage and a strained relationship. How different do you think the end of the struggle might have been if you had kept in your mind that your job was to please that man?*snip*

Remember, he doesn't have to be right or kind for you to react in a godly way.

There are many false assumptions here. First, that the wife only felt that the husband's response was wrong. What if it really WAS wrong, per the Bible? I agree, sometimes women just perceive things wrongly, but sometimes men just do the wrong thing. It's not just that the wife FELT he was wrong...he was WRONG, plain and simple.

Second, hurt and anger can be related, but not always.

Third, the implication is there that if we choose to not be hurt/angry, we'll have a good marriage and NOT a strained relationship. That is simply untrue. The only way to have a good marriage is when both parties are serving each other and obeying the Lord.

Fourth, our job ISN'T necessarily to "please that man." Our job is to be a HELP MEET, and sometimes that means helping them do the right thing (with a loving and submissive spirit), even if it's unpleasant for them.

Finally, "pleasing that man" isn't the only godly response. She is correct that his response doesn't excuse ungodly behavior on our part. But there are other godly responses that Mrs. Pearl doesn't even touch on (and insinuates that they are NOT godly responses).

Once again, the basis of the chapter was great. We DO need to be sober - temperate, disciplined, etc. I desperately need to be more "with it." (I do wish my dh had some semblance of a regular schedule so that the rest of the family could though LOL!) However, the potential is great for even very "sober" women to feel they are not doing well in this area, especially if "life happens" or if their husbands are jerks.