Archive for May, 2005
It’s alive!!!!!
I have something growing in my garden!!!! I'm not sure what it is exactly, but it's something that I planted, and it's growing!!! I THINK it may be lettuce. It's where I planted lettuce and kidney beans, and the lettuce was supposed to germinate faster, so I'm assuming it's lettuce. We'll see in time though.
You'll have to excuse me...this is my first garden, so I'm pretty excited!
Yesterday we planted some strawberry plants in our front bed. There HAD been some climbing rose bushes in there (with nothing to climb), so we dug them up and planted them next to our fence (to give the poor things something to climb!). The front bed is terraced somewhat, so it was just asking for strawberries! I bought six plants. This year I'll concentrate on having it send out runners rather than actually bearing fruit, but NEXT YEAR...mmmmmmmmmmmm!
My tomato plants and broccoli plants I have started aren't doing so good. I'm not sure what the problem is, but they seem to have just stopped growing and just don't look good. I bought some more dirt to add to the other half of the garden, so tomorrow we'll put that all down and I'll go ahead and transplant them. Technically they aren't big enough yet, but I figure anything is better than how they are doing now! My peppers aren't doing well at ALL. I have one nearly microscopic plant that has come up. ONE. And it's not looking so great either. Wish I knew what the problem is!!!
(My lettuce - or whatever it is LOL - looks REALLY good!)
Created To Be His Help Meet - Chapter 4
Chapter 4 begins with the heading of "My Jolly Playmate." I think that is what this section was about, since I can see glimpses of it, but there was a lot more involved to the story Mrs. Pearl shares. She tells of a time when her husband was acting all macho and took the trash out for her. He normally does not take the trash out at all. She went with him, carrying something else, and when they got to the dumpster, he threw the bag at the dumpster, very macho-like. The bag broke, sending trash everywhere. Instead of helping to pick it up, he slinked off, embarrassed. (And left her to clean it up.)
Some other time, he had the opportunity to re-prove his manliness, so he took the trash out again. Just as he got to the dumpster and was throwing it, she screamed at him through a window to scare him. He came running, and she acted all innocent. Then he swooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. She goes on with story, but I'll stop.
She then expounds on how we are to be each other's playmate. Some quotes I found enjoyable:
Page 42:laughter always makes life easier to climb
Page 43:
We have learned that all of life is fun and needs to be shared with our best friend, playmate, and lover. This, then, is the rule of life for wives: Live with thanksgiving, forgiveness, and joy, and enjoy all your moments as if they were your last. Someday, soon enough, they will be.
In the last section of the chapter, she encourages women that their past does not have to be their future. Jesus loves us, NO MATTER WHAT our past is like. We can start fresh today. Page 47:
The message to you is simple. From this day forth, starting right now - today - be the woman who honors, obeys, and loves Jesus, by honoring your husband.
So ultimately this chapter was about thanksgiving. We need to not take our husbands for granted - we must be THANKFUL for them. We must be thankful for what Christ has done for us.
The PRINCIPLES she shares and is imparting to us in this chapter, I am SO on board with, and I agree totally. However, my fear is that those who read this book will take Mrs. Pearl's examples and think that this is how this principle is always fleshed out, and that can be dangerous. (And I have been a woman who has tried to apply the "method" as much as the principle, so I do know that some women do this.)
I'll be honest. The trash scenario bothered me. I even had my husband read it to see what he thought. For one, he couldn't quite figure out what Mrs. Pearl's POINT was, since the section was on how we need to be our husband's playmate, yet this example contained so much more than that. He did think it was rude of Mr. Pearl, and we discussed how that is just so not like him at all. But it doesn't matter so much what our husbands do (to a point) but what our response is.
I can honestly say that IF my husband had done that (or something of that nature), I wouldn't be so much angry as I would be hurt. Mostly because that is SOOOO out of character for him. For my husband to make a huge mess (not just an ordinary mess like we all make, but a Real Mess) and then just LEAVE me to pick it up would be incredibly cruel to me, and THAT is what would hurt - that my husband did something cruel to me. The trash wouldn't be the Real Issue at all.
Now, would that give me the right to stew about it, feel sorry for myself for having such a "mean husband," pout, grumble as I picked up the trash, etc.?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! But it also doesn't mean that I wouldn't be able to go to my husband say, "Hey honey, you know, when you left me to clean up the trash, that really hurt." And then TALK ABOUT IT. My husband would need to know that that hurt my feelings. I'd need to know that he was just so embarrassed he had to be alone right then. Etc. My fear is that a woman might read this section and think that it's OK for a husband to do something hurtful and for the wife to suppress any sort of hurt feelings and never let her husband into her heart, for fear of being "unsubmissive." You can be submissive AND HONEST.Also, there are times when in order to be a GOOD help meet, a wife may need to let something go. She could easily do something for her husband, to "fix it," but if this is an ongoing pattern, perhaps the best way to be a good help meet is to let it go and let the chips fall where they may, rather than fixing it. So many times in the name of "being submissive" a woman ends up taking the responsibility for her husband's sin, and that is not Biblical submission. It's a tough call as to how this actually looks, since we all have different personalities, our husbands have different personalities, the situations are different, etc. There have been some things I've done to be a true HELP MEET to my husband that many would consider "unsubmissive" (and in other marriages WOULD be unsubmissive!). But I know without a doubt that my actions were Biblical and exactly what God wanted me to do, and in no way was I being Biblically unsubmissive. (I've learned the hard way that there is a difference between submissive and BIBLICALLY submissive. :-()
My concern is that women will take Mrs. Pearl's METHOD and turn it into a universal truth, since that is how it is presented. But since we are all SO DIFFERENT, to do so can be detrimental to a marriage. The PRINCIPLES she shares in this chapter (be thankful, be your husband's playmate, etc.), ARE universal truths, but how it is actually played out in each marriage will vary so widely. The way that Mrs. Pearl has written this book, it appears that that is what she is saying too - that her method is the way the principle is played out. Period. That isn't the case, and I'm fearful that there are women out there who are like what I used to be like and who will not realize that it's not the case.
The Weather
Ya gotta love the way kids' minds work sometimes. L came to me today and asked, "Mommy, when a cloud sneezes, is that what makes wind?"
The weather here was BEAUTIFUL today. I think it got up to somewhere around 65 or so? We've had lots of rain lately, and today was the first uncloudy day in at least a week. We spent Saturday preparing a spot for our garden, and today I finally planted my seeds! (Yes, I was looking for an excuse to be outside.
)This is my first attempt at a garden. That's because this is the first place we've ever lived where it's even been doable. Until now we've either lived in an apartment, lived in a house in which we knew we wouldn't be there long, or lived in a house with a horrid backyard! So I'm a total novice, and I'll be amazed if I actually am able to harvest anything LOL! But I'm trying anyway.
So far I do have several broccoli plants and about 11 tomato plants coming up. They are all about an inch high. I still have them in boxes on my deck, and when they get bigger I'll transplant them. In the actual garden plot I have cantaloupes, onions, popcorn, zucchini, leaf lettuce, and kidney beans so far. I still have pumpkins, watermelons, more cantaloupes, and carrots to plant.
I'm attempting Lasagna Gardening, and I really think it's going to work well. The spot we chose for our garden is a big thing of dirty gravel, so I think the layers will really help it to become more fertile out there. The only trouble I'm having is in the far corner - it is JUST out of reach of the sprinkler head!
This will be a learning experience for me, I know!
Created To Be His Help Meet - Chapter 3
Before I get started on this chapter's review, I'd like to share a lightbulb moment I had about this book. While yes, it's OK, I think one of the things that gives me, PERSONALLY, pause, is that Mrs. Pearl isn't really writing to a WOMAN LIKE ME. I realize that there ARE women out there who do think the way the women she is describing think. But I don't. So I have a difficult time applying what she is saying, simply because I cannot relate at ALL to the situations/thought patterns/behaviors of the women she is writing about.
Anyhoo...had that realization, and so I thought I'd share where I'm coming from. Perhaps this explains why I'm just not as "into" this book as everyone else seems to be. It is so far removed from my reality!
Chapter 3 is about contentment. Eek. This is something I struggle with.
Page 36:
Discontentment is not a product of circumstances; it is the state of the soul.
This is so easy to forget, despite how VERY TRUE it is. It's far too easy for me to think about "poor me," yet there are SO MANY in the world who would give anything to have it as good as I have it!!!
Mrs. Pearl shares about a new bride who didn't have running water or indoor plumbing, yet this new bride was just thrilled to bits to have a place of their own. So many of us would be aghast to even THINK about "going without" like this! I know I would be! How I would love to have that sort of attitude come naturally to me.
Mrs. Pearl says we need to PRACTICE having a merry and thankful heart. I'm realizing more each day (especially as I train my children) just how much of our attitude is pure HABIT. The way we speak to others, the way we look at others, the way we express thankfulness for the things we have, etc. - they all begin as a habit. I simply must begin a new habit - a habit of contentedness. I must be thankful and content with the things God has given me. I certainly do not deserve ANY of the blessings I have been given!
Unfortunately, underlying this GREAT chapter is the assumption that if we are discontent, it is because we are discontent with our husbands or what our husbands have provided. Page 35 (which is actually the opening sentence of the chapter):
You might be one of the women who often complains about her family's lowly financial state and how she must "do without" because her husband "cannot support the family decently."
Page 36:
Some women learn to accept the poor state of their physical surroundings. They don't want to be carnally-minded. They live only for the eternal. So they save their disapproving expressions for those times when they think it necessary to remind their husbands of how sad they are that he sits in front of the TV, plays video games, or engages in any number of carnal activities. They keep the pressure on - just like the Holy Spirit would do. At least, that's their justification for doing his job so "faithfully."
While I CAN relate to the overall discontentedness that Mrs. Pearl discusses in this chapter, I CANNOT relate to comments such as these, because, quite frankly, I don't do these sorts of things. I'm not saying I'm a better wife than others, because the Lord knows that I'm so NOT, but this is just not an area of struggle for me.
I know that this makes it seem like I'm picking this book apart, and I guess I probably am. :-/ However, these sort of comments by Mrs. Pearl pervade this entire book, and that is what spurred my opening comments today - is this book really written to a woman like me???
Of course, I cannot just say, "Oh, she's referring to women who are discontent with their husbands" and ignore the theme of the chapter. I desperately need to practice contentment. Paul said, "for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am." (Phillipians 4:11) Can I say that? EEK. No. But I should be able to, and that is what I need to practice until it becomes a habit.
Only one in diapers!!!!
I now have FOUR, count 'em, FOUR potty-trained children!!! J has been ready for quite some time, but dh and I have been so busy and just so not in the mood to deal with potty-training with a split-level house (read: you have to go up/down stairs to get to either bathroom), so we've been just putting it off. Well, the poor boy had started to go into the bathroom to go #2, so I finally caved and said OK OK. LOL!
So I took last week off from school. I had planned to wait until dh could take some time off work, but that won't be happening anytime soon with all he has to get done at work and with all the travel he has to do in the next few months, so I gave up on that idea. The older 3 had their spring break, albeit a little later than the public school kids, but hey, they didn't care one bit.
Day 1 - put J in underwear and started taking him potty, and he started going on the potty right off the get go!!! Didn't have an accident until after naptime. That was 10 days ago, and honestly I can't tell you when he's had an accident. I think he has peed in his diaper/pull-up maybe once or twice at naptime/bedtime since then also. #2 has been slow in coming, but that's 'cuz he doesn't get as much opportunity to practice.
But TODAY - woo hoo - TODAY he went #2 TWICE in the potty!!!!! He's coming to tell me when he has to go potty as well. I don't think I had to tell him it's time to go potty at all today. Even if he has a pull-up on (like after naptime), he tells me he needs to go.
So, I think it's official - J is potty-trained!!!!! Yahoo!!!!!
And I am just PRAISING THE LORD that he learned so quickly because, as I said, I do not have the time for that LOL!!!
Created To Be His Help Meet - Chapter 2
In this chapter Mrs. Pearl discusses the importance of having a merry heart.
Pages 26-27:
When he first fell in love with you, you were a sweet little thing, full of laughter and fun. From the very bottom of your soul you were thrilled with him. Every day you woke up planning some activity that involved you both. Is he still married to the same sweet little thing, or have you become a long-faced, sickly complainer? Love is like a flower: you can't expect it to grow without some sunshine. Has your lover seen your sunshine lately? Is he still your lover? What would he say?
This chapter was a good reminder that I need to return to the cheerful girl he married. I am not nearly merry enough. I must CHOOSE joy. In just the few days that I have attempted to implement a joyful attitude, I have seen a difference, mostly in myself. My cranky attitude is a difficult habit to break, but I am attempting to keep "be merry" at the forefront of my thoughts as I go throughout the day. I am trying to have a more cheerful tone of voice.
Just what IS a "merry heart"? I think more in terms of what it's NOT: it's not a short tone of voice, it's not a tired expression/tone, it's not a furrowed brow (unless the sun is in your eyes
), it's not looking/doing something else when someone is talking to you, it's not an impatient expression/tone of voice.Then Mrs. Pearl shares a letter from a wife whose husband has been in an emotional affair. She also shares her advice to that woman. I'm not quite sure what this letter has to do with the rest of the chapter??? Perhaps it's Mrs. Pearl's advice to win the husband back with "Your loving, kind, delightful, radiant, adoring self." ????
I had a difficult time with the advice she gave this woman. I can see what she is saying...our husbands are worth fighting for, and we do need to try to be MORE to our husbands. But I got the impression (not sure if it is just me???) that if we just are "more" to our husbands, then we’ll be able to win them back. I have seen marriages fail, even though the wife is being submissive and is being all her husband wants (or seems to want). Also there is a fine line, and it probably varies depending on the situation and the people involved, between "being more" to our husbands and enabling their sin. It is essential that we remain at the foot of the Cross and implore the Holy Spirit to guide us as we deal with our husbands in distressing situations. In some marriages the answer is to be more, to not "stand on our rights" (as Mrs. Pearl puts it), etc. But in others, the Lord may want the wife to remain steadfast and to not enable her husband’s sin. There isn’t any one "right way," and Mrs. Pearl’s example in this chapter troubled me since it appeared that she was saying that "being more" to your husband is the only right way.
I believe that it is entirely possible to show an abundance of love to your husband and be more to him while at the same time holding him accountable for his sin, if necessary. It doesn’t have to be an either/or situation.
Created To Be His Help Meet - Chapter 1
In chapter 1, Mrs. Pearl explains how we are God's gift to our husbands. We have been created for the sole purpose of being a helper suitable (since Mrs. Pearl uses the KJV, she uses the term "help meet") to our husbands.
Page 21:
If you are a wife, you were created to fill a need, and in that capacity you are a "good thing," a helper suited to the needs of a man. This is how God created you and it is your purpose for existing. You are, by nature, equipped in every way to be your man's helper. You are inferior to none as long as you function within your created nature, for no man can do your job, and no man is complete without his wife. You were created to make him complete, not to seek personal fulfillment parallel to him.
So true!
Page 22:
When you are a help meet to your husband, you are a helper to Christ, for God commissioned man for a purpose and gave him a woman to assist in fulfilling that divine calling. When you honor your husband, you honor God. When you obey your husband, you obey God. The degree to which you reverence your husband is the degree to which you reverence your Creator. As we serve our husbands, we serve God. But in the same way, when you dishonor your husband, you dishonor God.
This passage is almost good. Shouldn't be be treating EVERYONE this way? Shouldn't we be serving others in general? Our husbands are included in that, of course if we honor/serve them we are honoring/serving God.
I'm not entirely sure how she is using the word "obey" here, but I cannot make the blanket statement that she did: When you obey your husband, you obey God. In many cases, yes that will be the case, but just because my husband tells me to do something doesn't mean it's automatically OK and that God approves of me doing it. I will speak more about this in a later chapter, however.
Again from page 22:
Regardless of who you are or what your talents may be, God's will is that you be a suitable helper to your husband.
Page 23:
To covet his role of leadership is to covet something that will not make God, you, or him happy. It is not a question of whether or not you can do a better job than he; it is a matter of doing what you were "designed" to do.
Again, so true!
I especially liked this, again from page 23:
The role of being a perfectly fit helper does not make one inferior to the leader.
I think many times the submission message gets skewed to mean that the woman is inferior to a man, but that is so not true! They are of equal value and worth. They are both necessary. They just have different roles.
I did the word study that she recommended on page 25. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I realized that a virtuous, wise, prudent, etc. wife is a STRONG WOMAN. She has strength of character. She strives for moral excellence. She is capable. She is humble, yet she has a backbone.
In reading this chapter, honestly nothing that Mrs. Pearl wrote was all that revolutionary to me. I do not struggle with trying to be the leader. My personality is such that I AVOID the leadership role. So that has never been a problem in our marriage. However, I tend to struggle with the "martyr mom" syndrome, rather than serving my family joyfully. I do get frustrated with how I have failed to train my children properly, and that breeds more frustration because I have that much more physical work to do.
All in all, this chapter was a good one. Didn't really make me go, "OH WOW," as it has other people, but it was a good one. More to come.
Surely I can’t be the only one???
I'm taking a bold stand that may ruin my reputation, but I'm going to do it anyway.
I've been reading Debi Pearl's new book Created To Be His Help Meet. I'm not impressed. On message boards and e-mail loops I'm on, on blogs, from friends, all I've heard about is how WONDERFUL this book is. "Forget other submission books, this one is THE book to read as a wife." Granted, I'm only about 10 chapters into it, so perhaps it gets better, but based on what I've read so far, all I can say is that I'm glad it was sent to me free and that I didn't pay money for it.
I will attempt to start blogging my thoughts about each chapter. Perhaps I'm reading more into it than what is there, but in talking with my husband about my different "issues" with the book, I can honestly say that I'm not "off" on my concerns. At least not according to him, whose opinion really matters anyway, right?
So stay tuned. I'll get to it as I can!
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